Time for reflection and to put what I preach into practice.
Behind the scenes here I have been going through some personal issues which are directly linked to my disability. I have become aware that the issues are having an affect on my own state of mind bringing my mood down for the most part. So, I decided to blog about it initially for me to get it off my chest and to demonstrate how I use writing as a coaching tool with my clients…so here goes:
Being someone born with a physical disability I am used to numerous hospital appointments and health issues. As a child I was in and out of hospital for treatments and regular out patient appointments. As an adult this stopped dramatically and I’ve been more or less left to my own devices for years now.After experiencing my injury to my back ten years ago I have lived with the pain this has caused up to this point. However, over the last two years I have noticed an increase in the levels of pain and an increase in the areas on my body where I feel this pain.It is no longer isolated to the lower lumbar area initially triggered by my injury.
As a life long self propelling wheelchair user I was finding it increasingly difficult to push myself over any distance without experiencing any pain, the pain got worse and my ability to self propel became less and less.
Last November I finally caved into my partners suggestion and approached the wheelchair service in the hope of applying for a powered chair…this was a huge issue for me it felt for so long like a set back, a decline in my health. This sense of loss of independence was so overwhelming I knew I would benefit from having a powered chair but I just couldn’t face admitting I now needed one. At my appointment it was agreed that I would be issued with a new powered chair. As I got used to this I carefully monitored my pain levels only to be dismayed that infact my pain was increasing further. I discussed this with my GP after trying a varied combination of medication and it was decided I needed to see an orthopaedic specialist. I went to this appointment with a mixture of hope and dread I wanted an answer a solution I just wanted the pain gone by now my new pain levels were having a dramatic affect on my every day life.
Having looked at my x rays… which was a huge culture shock to my system seeing the inside of my skeletal structure and all it’s unusual twists and contortions. The doctor quickly ruled out surgery.What I was faced with was a case of my body had spent almost 50 years compensating for the contorted structure,my body was beginning to buckle under the pressure.The one and only solution to my dilemma was to manage the pain long term…yes I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. I’ve been booked into see a phycologist to talk over my feelings and the pain management option we are looking into is a series of injections to kill off the nerve endings around the area of pain.
my appointment to map out this was only three days ago and ever since then my head feels like it’s been thrown into the washing machine on a fast extended spin cycle.To make matters worse to get to and from this appointment I have to go past the site of my old special school.
so where am I at with all this now?
I’M PETRIFIED!! Every time I go past the school my mind is flooded with memories of all my friends and our wonderful times together and then I’m sad because around 90% of all my school friends from then are now deceased including my very best friend who’s death I’m still coming to terms with. I watched closely as his own health deteriorated quite dramatically until he sadly passed away.I keep thinking this awful bad thought of…”am I next, is this the beginning of the end for me too”.
Looking at this from a coaching perspective I realise that at present I’m still in a state of acceptance and letting the information from the appointment sink in. I’m aware that I’m feeling very low but I’m mature enough to also keep perspective and that it’s not necessarily some kind of terminal diagnosis but still the new information is hard to take and I’ll need time.
after an hour or two at home I began to get into a more positive mindset. My thoughts have turned to ways I can help myself to remain as physically fit as possible. My upper body strength has deteriorated a lot but too much fitness work aggravates the pain. I’m going to spend some time researching methods I can use to regain some chore strength and arm strength. I guess this is where coaching skills really come into play…I’m looking at the facts of my current situation I have a goal, to stay as fit and healthy as long as possible I just have to break things down and figure out the pathway to reach my goal.i know it might sound strange but in a way I’m actually glad to be going through such an experience because by working through it I can use it to fully understand some of the issues my clients will be going through and offer support from a place of real understanding . I need some time to let the appointment sink in and get the future sessions in place and I will probably continue to blog about my feelings as I go along the process. This blog has been deeply personal and yes I feel it has helped me to a degree. I sincerely hope it helps at least one person reading it if they are going through something similar and I hope it educates anyone else who might be interested. I’m not called the warrior on wheels fir nothing I’ll battle on and I will continue to help you out there as many people as possible,
be happy be you!
Warrior on Wheels
Three month review
Where did summer go?? I can’t believe we are in early September already. Even more of a surprise is that we are three months into the life of Warrior On Wheels Life Coaching.
So since making the giant leap into the world of life coaching I’m more confident than ever that this was the right decision for me. I have been working very hard on my visibility and creating the type of content online that speaks out to a wide audience of people who can really relate to my story and what I’m hoping to achieve here. I can honestly say hand on heart I wake up each morning now full of excitement and enthusiasm and j7mo right into taking steps towards developing my visibility and reputation as a coach.it honestly doe not feel like I’m doing a job I do it willingly because I simply love supporting and helping people. I love making people feel better about themselves so for me doing this is sheer joy 100% of the time. I’ve also been busy learning for myself and every coach I follow tells me how important it is to be visible and be authentic which I find very easy to do I am me and no one else I can only tell my story in my own words and pass on what I’ve learned by living through it…this for me is what true authentic coaching should be based on.
I always felt at the early part of this coaching life that until i was coaching actual clients I felt uncomfortable saying I was a coach…three months in and I now have clients and new enquiries every day so now yes, I feel like I can call myself a coach.
So i will continue to show up and advertise I know this won’t be an overnight success but I’m confident that there will be people out there needing my help. ..are you that person do you need help with low self esteem and confidence do you live with anxiety or depression if so do get intouch and maybe YOU will become my next client I want to help you be happy and be you
I have decided to write a blog about my own journey with mental health and to update you all on everything connected to Warrior On Wheels Life Coaching. My aim is to write every week.